Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Ok, I hope I can explain my recent thoughts in a way that is unoffensive to most of my family members. I hope everyone realizes that I don't mean to offend people because of their beliefs. That being said, if you think you will be offended, please don't read. I don't force any of you to read this. I've realized in the past few (weeks, months, years?) that we don't all have to agree about everything. And we can still love each other as family.

Ok, here goes.

Recent events have prompted some thought on my part. The recent engagement of a member of our family after a time of cohabitation really got me thinking. That, coupled with my class discussion last night on divorce, remarriage, and single-parenthood. Why choose marriage? What is the difference, and is there a difference, between living together and getting married? Until recently, I actually hadn't thought about it much. And when I did think about it, I was more of the persuasion that there was no real difference between living together and being married. Well, after our class discussion, I realized a few things. 1. There is a difference. 2. We, as Americans, are denying something precious to certain citizens of our country.

Let me expound. So, two people decide to move in together. Great. No big deal, right? (Unless, of course, you think it is a big deal. *shrug*) Well, I must admit that I didn't think there was a big deal when I moved in with Matt. In fact, I saw it as a stepping stone toward marriage. Unfortunately, he didn't see it the same way, and we had some conflict. When we both finally got on the same page, got back together, and moved in together the second time, life was a whole lot better. So, what was the difference? The commitment level. And by commitment, I'm not just talking about being committed to the relationship. I mean, committed to the future of the relationship, and by that I mean planning on marriage. Engagement. I didn't actually think that our relationship would change when we got married. I mean, we were both pretty committed. To me, marriage was simply a piece of paper that legally cemented the commitment we already had. But then we got married. And something changed. It was subtle, this change. But it was there. There is something about being married to someone that gives, what? Reassurance, or maybe something else. Something tangible, though. Obviously marriage isn't some magical cure for all relationships. In fact, the recent statistics are that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. 50%!!! That's crazy.

So, that was my experience with the idea of marriage. I didn't think it would make a difference, but it did. And now, someone else close to me is experiencing something similar.

So, what is my point? Why am I going on about marriage? Well, because in this country, in most states, we have denied homosexuals this right. This right to take their commitment level to the next step. There IS a difference between living together and being married. Maybe this is at the bottom of what is so "wrong" about homosexuality. Maybe by denying these couples this step in the relationship ladder we are unwittingly perpetuating the stigmas attached to homosexuality. That "these people" are immoral and uncommitted, could these ideas be simply because they are denied the same rights as heterosexual couples?

Well, it is a thought. And these are my thoughts.

I hope I expressed them in a way that others can understand.


1 comment:

  1. Wow! You articulated that so well. Thank you. When I try to express my feelings on this issue, I usually end up being choked up and way too full of emotion. I love you Pam. Thank you.